Friday, January 28, 2011

How Do I Turn My Computer Off? Click on "Start"


You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and young enough to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on...

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO:
Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT:
Mac?

COSTELLO:
No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT:
Your computer?

COSTELLO
: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT:
Mac?

COSTELLO:
I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT:
What about Windows?

COSTELLO:
Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT:
Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO:
I don't know.. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT:
Wallpaper.

COSTELLO:
Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT:
Software for Windows?

COSTELLO:
No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT:
Office.

COSTELLO:
Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT:
I just did.

COSTELLO:
You just did what?

ABBOTT:
Recommend something.

COSTELLO:
You recommended something?

ABBOTT:
Yes.

COSTELLO:
For my office?

ABBOTT:
Yes.

COSTELLO:
OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT:
Office.

COSTELLO:
Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT:
I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO:
I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT:
Word.

COSTELLO:
What word?

ABBOTT:
Word in Office.

COSTELLO:
The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT:
The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO:
Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT:
The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.

COSTELLO:
I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT:
Money.

COSTELLO:
That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT:
Money.

COSTELLO:
I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT:
It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO:
What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT:
Money.

COSTELLO:
Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT:
Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO:
I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT:
One copy.

COSTELLO:
Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT:
Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO:
They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT:
Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT:
Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO:
How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT:
Click on 'START'.............

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Robbery at Wal*Mart 714?

There was an event at the Wal*Mart Store #714 on Sheila Street, Helena-West Helena, Arkansas which involved thieves looting the store for its cash on hand. This event took place late Saturday night or early Sunday morning, according to our reports. The amount, believed to be several thousand dollars, has not been disclosed. No one was injured in the event which has been described as a quick occurrence and not a strong arm robbery.

The Helena West Helena Police Department is investigating. As information is made public, we will update this story.